Loneliness. We’ve Love all felt it before. Sometimes it’ may be legitimate, sometimes it may just be a feeling though it’s not an actual reality. The question is, is it really real? Are we really lonely? Am I lonely? Webster defines it in these 3 ways:
- sad from being apart from other people
- causing sad feelings that come from being apart from other people
- not visited by or traveled on by many people
There are over 7 billion people on the earth, and over 300 million people in America. I live with 3 other people in my house plus a dog, cat, fish, and snail and I have over 500 Facebook friends. I live in a neighborhood with houses on either side of me, and I live super close to churches and a house of prayer where there are people there 24/7 praying and seeking God, and yet how is it that I can still “feel” lonely?
So I am actually writing this blog for myself to ask myself, with all of these facts, how is it that I feel lonely??? By definition of “sad from being apart from other people” there is no way this can be true. Yet, somehow I feel it. Lonely. So my question to myself is why?
Maybe it’s more than this mere definition? Or maybe this is the wrong term? Lonely. Maybe I should instead say I am “alone?” Webster:
- without anyone or anything else
- not involving or including anyone or anything else
- separate from other people or things
Yeah, there’s NO way that’s true if I look at the above facts.
Perhaps it’s not physical. I mean it can’t possibly be. I’m at a coffee show right now and there are people all around me.
If it’s not physical and I can’t prove it externally, then it leaves me only 2 options. 1) I am completely insane. Or 2) It is an internal reality.
So then I must again ask some question:
- Why am I internally lonely?
- Is it that I feel misunderstood?
- Is it that I don’t have deep relational connection with people?
- Is it that I am hard to get along with?
- Is it that life has not turned out as expected and so therefore I have pulled back inwardly and therefore outwardly?
- Do I not feel I can be myself?
- Is everyone else dealing with all of their junk all of the time and therefore NO ONE can ever really connect?
Can anyone else relate to this? I have been a Christian for the better part of 15 + years. I have been to college, been on mission trips, been in ministry, been in churches, been in prayer movements, and yet still lonely. I have been married for 10 years and have 2 beautiful kids, and yet still find myself depressed, lets face it, probably more than I am not. Why is this?
I have been through counseling, deliverance, repentance, forgiveness, you name it. I am around other moms…they are depressed. What. The. Heck. These facts alone are depressing.
I then find myself angry. “Jesus you said that we would have joy and that abundantly? (John 10:10) You said that “they” would know we were His by the way that we loved one another?” (John 13:35) I wonder. Where is this? Where is this in me? Where have I gone off?
I know Jesus never promised us that life would be easy. He actually promised the opposite…that there would be trials, sufferings, and persecution. I don’t feel like I am ignorant to that, though I don’t always like it oakley outlet if I’m going to be honest. My hope is that in the midst of this life, I can have joy in Him and learn to love. That is my hope, though I don’t always see it. But then again Hebrews 11:1 does say that “Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”
So perhaps this is all growing in faith? Hoping against hope? Believing even when you can’t see it? Believing even when what you see is actually the OPPOSITE of what you were hoping for?
So what about this loneliness part? It is that I am actually really lonely for God? “Sad or being apart from other people?” Maybe the actual definition should be “sad or being apart from God…”
Maybe that is the ultimate source of my loneliness. I am lonely because I need Him. But He is not here? At least not yet. Maybe this longing is for Him? Yes, I can meet with Him in different ways on the earth, though not face to face. I mean He lives in me doesn’t He? Yet, I still long for Him.
So then what about people? Where is that deep connect with one Wholesale NFL Jerseys another? That deep love? We are all so broken and yet He lives in us if we are His? Is it that we are scared to be vulnerable? Scared to reveal where we are really at? And if so why is that? Are we so unable to love, even through the darkest of times? And yet maybe that is the very reason why He allows such seasons of trial. That we might learn not only to lean in deeper our Father, but to also learn to love one another in the midst of it.
I don’t know about you but in these last 4 years, we have gone through some of the toughest circumstances. Everything we might turn to apart from the Lord has been tested and stripped from us. And yet, somehow by the grace of God, He has kept us. I say He has kept us because He has. I look back and see that I have not kept myself in Him. He has been the keeper of my soul. I have said yes and cried and leaned in but He has been the One who kept me. And in the midst of it, I have felt lonely, oh so lonely. But perhaps my loneliness was just really my need for Him. And perhaps my loneliness has been for true community. Oh but where can this be found among such weak and broken people! I myself being one of them! My only hope is that if Jesus himself prayed it then I must come to pass.
20 “I do not pray for these alone, but also for those who will believe in Me through their word; 21 that they all may be one, as You, Father, are in Me, and I in You; that they also may be one in Us, that the world may believe that You sent Me. 22 And the glory which You gave Me I have given them, that they may be one just as We are one: 23 I in them, and You in Me; that they may be made perfect in one, and that the world may know that You have sent Me, and have loved them as You have loved Me. – John 17:20-23
I’m not sure any of this is making sense, if it’s not then forgive me. Perhaps loneliness is just a greater invitation into the heart of God. Perhaps it’s just a longing for a city whose builder and maker is God. Perhaps it’s real. Perhaps it’s not. Either way, I pray that one day I can find that joy that comes from knowing Him and that love that He promised if I would continue to give myself daily to Him. God give grace to us all…especially to the moms who daily give themselves to their kids and don’t always get back a return on their investment. Perhaps this is what love is all about…
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