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Loneliness…

Loneliness.  We’ve Love all felt it before.  Sometimes it’ may be legitimate, sometimes it may just be a feeling though it’s not an actual reality.  The question is, is it really real?  Are we really lonely?  Am I lonely?  Webster defines it in these 3 ways:

  • sad from being apart from other people
  • causing sad feelings that come from being apart from other people
  • not visited by or traveled on by many people

There are over 7 billion people on the earth, and over 300 million people in America.  I live with 3 other people in my house plus a dog, cat, fish, and snail and I have over 500 Facebook friends.  I live in a neighborhood with houses on either side of me, and I live super close to churches and a house of prayer where there are people there 24/7 praying and seeking God, and yet how is it that I can still “feel” lonely?

So I am actually writing this blog for myself to ask myself, with all of these facts, how is it that I feel lonely???  By definition of “sad from being apart from other people” there is no way this can be true.  Yet, somehow I feel it. Lonely. So my question to myself is why?

Maybe it’s more than this mere definition?  Or maybe this is the wrong term?  Lonely.  Maybe I should instead say I am “alone?”  Webster:

  • without anyone or anything else
  • not involving or including anyone or anything else
  • separate from other people or things

Yeah, there’s NO way that’s true if I look at the above facts.

Perhaps it’s not physical.  I mean it can’t possibly be.  I’m at a coffee show right now and there are people all around me.

If it’s not physical and I can’t prove it externally, then it leaves me only 2 options.  1) I am completely insane. Or 2) It is an internal reality.

So then I must again ask some question:

  • Why am I internally lonely?
  • Is it that I feel misunderstood?
  • Is it that I don’t have deep relational connection with people?
  • Is it that I am hard to get along with?
  • Is it that life has not turned out as expected and so therefore I have pulled back inwardly and therefore outwardly?
  • Do I not feel I can be myself?
  • Is everyone else dealing with all of their junk all of the time and therefore NO ONE can ever really connect?

Can anyone else relate to this?  I have been a Christian for the better part of 15 + years.  I have been to college, been on mission trips, been in ministry, been in churches, been in prayer movements, and yet still lonely.  I have been married for 10 years and have 2 beautiful kids, and yet still find myself depressed, lets face it, probably more than I am not. Why is this?

I have been through counseling, deliverance, repentance, forgiveness, you name it.  I am around other moms…they are depressed.  What. The. Heck.  These facts alone are depressing.

I then find myself angry.  “Jesus you said that we would have joy and that abundantly? (John 10:10) You said that “they” would know we were His by the way that we loved one another?” (John 13:35)  I wonder.  Where is this?  Where is this in me?  Where have I gone off?

I know Jesus never promised us that life would be easy.  He actually promised the opposite…that there would be trials, sufferings, and persecution.  I don’t feel like I am ignorant to that, though I don’t always like it oakley outlet if I’m going to be honest.  My hope is that in the midst of this life, I can have joy in Him and learn to love.  That is my hope, though I don’t always see it.  But then again Hebrews 11:1 does say that “Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”

So perhaps this is all growing in faith?  Hoping against hope?  Believing even when you can’t see it?  Believing even when what you see is actually the OPPOSITE of what you were hoping for?

So what about this loneliness part?  It is that I am actually really lonely for God?  “Sad or being apart from other people?”  Maybe the actual definition should be “sad or being apart from God…”

Maybe that is the ultimate source of my loneliness.  I am lonely because I need Him.  But He is not here?  At least not yet.  Maybe this longing is for Him?  Yes, I can meet with Him in different ways on the earth, though not face to face.  I mean He lives in me doesn’t He?  Yet, I still long for Him.

So then what about people?  Where is that deep connect with one Wholesale NFL Jerseys another?  That deep love?  We are all so broken and yet He lives in us if we are His?  Is it that we are scared to be vulnerable?  Scared to reveal where we are really at?  And if so why is that?  Are we so unable to love, even through the darkest of times?  And yet maybe that is the very reason why He allows such seasons of trial.  That we might learn not only to lean in deeper our Father, but to also learn to love one another in the midst of it.

I don’t know about you but in these last 4 years, we have gone through some of the toughest circumstances.  Everything we might turn to apart from the Lord has been tested and stripped from us.  And yet, somehow by the grace of God, He has kept us.  I say He has kept us because He has.  I look back and see that I have not kept myself in Him.  He has been the keeper of my soul.  I have said yes and cried and leaned in but He has been the One who kept me.   And in the midst of it, I have felt lonely, oh so lonely.  But perhaps my loneliness was just really my need for Him.  And perhaps my loneliness has been for true community.  Oh but where can this be found among such weak and broken people!  I myself being one of them!  My only hope is that if Jesus himself prayed it then I must come to pass.

20 “I do not pray for these alone, but also for those who will believe in Me through their word; 21 that they all may be one, as You, Father, are in Me, and I in You; that they also may be one in Us, that the world may believe that You sent Me. 22 And the glory which You gave Me I have given them, that they may be one just as We are one: 23 I in them, and You in Me; that they may be made perfect in one, and that the world may know that You have sent Me, and have loved them as You have loved Me. – John 17:20-23

I’m not sure any of this is making sense, if it’s not then forgive me.  Perhaps loneliness is just a greater invitation into the heart of God.  Perhaps it’s just a longing for a city whose builder and maker is God.  Perhaps it’s real.  Perhaps it’s not.  Either way, I pray that one day I can find that joy that comes from knowing Him and that love that He promised if I would continue to give myself daily to Him. God give grace to us all…especially to the moms who daily give themselves to their kids and don’t always get back a return on their investment.  Perhaps this is what love is all about…

 

 

 

 

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Director : Theodore Melfi.
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Release : December 10, 2016
Country : United States of America.
Production Company : Fox 2000 Pictures, Chernin Entertainment, TSG Entertainment, Levantine Films.
Language : English.
Runtime : 127 min.
Genre : History, Drama.

‘Hidden Figures’ is a movie genre History, was released in December 10, 2016. Theodore Melfi was directed this movie and starring by Taraji P. Henson. This movie tell story about The untold story of Katherine G. Johnson, Dorothy Vaughan and Mary Jackson – brilliant African-American women working at NASA and serving as the brains behind one of the greatest operations in history – the launch of astronaut John Glenn into orbit. The visionary trio crossed all gender and race lines to inspire generations to dream big.

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The greatest of these is love…

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Grieving the Season

Hello! And welcome to The Journey with Jenny! If you’re like me, each day throws its own twists and turns. Whether it’s caring for children, working at your job, investing in your marriage, battling a health issue, or suffering through some kind of loss, each day can be a struggle to get through if we aren’t able to deal with the stress it inevitably creates. Unchecked, this stress will eventually consume us and try to take us out.

I want to share with you some of my journey in learning to deal with and manage stress after a very difficult season in my life. We all carry it differently, but I tend to try and carry stress like “I can do it!” “I am strong enough!” “I can handle this!” My natural tendency is to be a fighter and survivor. Well, after 2 kids and a season of stripping and unknowns, this approach no longer worked and my physical body basically said, “I can no longer do this!” and began to shut down.

It started about 3 months postpartum from child #2. My neck was stiff a lot, and my ears were stuffy and often hurt. I started to get dizzy, to the point of needing to lay down team task management software. I began to have light sensitivity and would see “lightning” in my eye which was scary. I was nauseous A LOT and constantly felt sick. My chest was tight and I often had trouble breathing. I was carrying around 40 extra pounds (10 that I gained AFTER I had the baby) that were NOT coming off. My emotions were all across the board. Anger, depression, you name it. I was tired and worn out. Yes, I had just had a baby, but this was more than just postpartum depression or a hormone imbalance (although I am sure that was custom jerseys happening as well). This was my body warning me that something was WAY off and if I didn’t take action, things could go down hill quickly.

The first step I took at this point, which was totally from God because I would have never thought of it, was to visit a chiropractor. A friend’s husband had just completely thrown his neck out and was visiting a chiropractor and having amazing results, so I decided to check it out. I was so scared that something was horribly wrong with me and didn’t even know where to begin. I had even been to my OBGYN and they had done blood work and all sorts of tests and everything came back NORMAL. Though this was a huge praise I still knew something was very wrong.Roblox HackBigo Live Beans HackYUGIOH DUEL LINKS HACKPokemon Duel HackRoblox HackPixel Gun 3d HackGrowtopia HackClash Royale Hackmy cafe recipes stories hackMobile Legends HackMobile Strike Hack

During my first visit at the chiro we had a consultation to discuss my symptoms and they took an ex-ray of my neck and back. They had given me this sheet about the symptoms you would feel depending on which part of your back was misaligned. I looked at the top cheap jordans ones (the C1 & C2 vertebrae) and pretty much all of the symptoms I was feeling were on that paper! The chiro described to me that your neck is supposed to be at a 45 degree curve, and that mine was at 90 degrees…meaning that it was straight up and down! Yikes! I was going to need a lot of help!

As I drove home that day, I cried and cried and cried. I cried at the realization of where I was at. Though I felt hope for change and healing, I was so grieved of the position that I was in. I was grieved of the way I hadn’t carried myself well in a difficult season. I thought of that verse in the Bible where John the Baptist rebukes the pharisees for being stiff-necked! I thought “this is me!” “My neck is straight up and down because I have being trying to carry myself all by myself in this season.” I have hardened myself and said “I will make it through authentic nfl jerseys this.” My physical symptoms were actually just a reflection of Have a much deeper heart and soul issue. I had been in pain. It had been a painful season. I hadn’t always carried myself well through it. This was God’s grace to me. This pain. These physical symptoms. He was using them to show me I needed help and I needed to heal. I didn’t feel any anger from Him or disappointment. I actually felt a ton Wholesale China Jerseys of grace! I knew deep down it was time to heal, but first I realized I needed to grieve, grieve the season. I needed to feel the pain of it, give it to Him, and let Him heal me.

I could no longer run from it, or try and hide the pain. I had to just lean into it, feel it and grieve it. That was where I would actually find the healing from it, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. And even in this, in the pain, I begin to find so much freedom. This like many other seasons of my life, was forming and shaping me, molding me into the person God made me to be. This is a part of my journey, the real journey which is our journey in God, and our journey to healing and wholeness in Him. 🙂

Whatever you’re going through, know that there is always hope and that you are never alone. I like how the TEV says this verse:

God keeps His promise, and He will not allow you to be tested beyond your power to remain firm; at the time you are put to the test, He will give you the strength to endure it, and so provide you with a way out. 1 Corinthians 10:13

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